The holidays are the time most desired for most people, but in some cases the summer period can trigger the end of a sentimental relationship. In fact, the number of divorces and separations in Spain grows in the last quarter of the year, after the summer holidays, according to the data of PD Data and the General Council of the Judiciary. So, in the last decade, has been the period of the year with more breaks official partner, with 60% of the cases.
What factors influence these breaks? The experts from the UOC's point some.
1. Coexistence intensified in relations that have deteriorated.
"The key factor for wider separations in the summer is that it increases the time-share for couples who already have a level of conflict or disconnection high. Then there is the perfect mix for the conflict to explode, and the disconnection and the differences become more obvious and more strong," according to Adrián Montesano del Campo, professor of the Studies of Psychology and Sciences of Education of the UOC.
he Also points to these previous problems in the relationship Francesc Núñez, a professor of the Arts and Humanities department of the UOC: "Over the holidays couples are a lot more time together (and physically closer) than the rest of the year and often live in situations different from those of everyday life. There are cases in which the coexistence is more a vital imperative that the desire to live with the person you love, because there is nothing to be said except for the discussions. Then, the intensity of the holidays can be an ordeal and can have a very negative effect."
2. "Bubble couple" you do not care for
According to Adrian Montesano the Field for the rest of the year, "the daily occupations make it easier to escaquearse of one of the fundamental tasks of the partner, which is to take care of the relationship, to ensure the bubble of a couple." This bubble couple is the space of well-being and meeting the enjoyed by two people. "If you don't have this bubble of a couple, when the summer comes everything is complicated," says the professor.
The stress of the members of the couple in the summer has more to do with its relationship with external factors such as the heat, the travel, or the continued presence of the children: "If the quality of the relationship is bad, anything minimally stressful can catalyze the conflict and worsen the situation. But keep in mind that in healthy relationships scenarios of summer usually bring pleasure, fun and well-being," says Montesano of the Field.
The relationships that break up after the summer often dragged to years of wear and tear. In fact, average couples divorced in 2017 had been married for 16 years, and the average age was of 45 years in women and 47 in men, according to data from the INE.
3. Discover the dark side
however, as pointed out by professor Núñez, only need three months of marriage to file for divorce. "In the case of couples recently who are married —or together— the summer may have an effect of dispersion or dissolution of the bonds of love. You may be allowed to see the faces "undesirable" partner," he explains.
4. Falling in love summer
sometimes, couples also are broken by the irruption of a third person. "On vacation, you can discover worlds —and loves— that do not pass through the domestic life, which might be considered tedious, or a conjugal relationship that can be seen as boring," says Francesc Núñez. "Love gives you the strength necessary to break with the past and the ties that you bind and think that a new life is possible", according to the professor.
5. Expectations of the holiday and the prospect of a future
The holidays are full of symbolism and social: "it Is expected to be moments of exceptionality, of an intense experience, that affect us and we almost redeemed of the months of work and the harsh everyday life", explains Francesc Núñez. In this context, many people have some high expectations. "If they are not met, disappointment is added to other sources of discomfort that build up previously and that grow during the holidays. The combination is explosive and can lead to ruptures of the couple," says Núñez.
on the other hand, the summer brings new activities and life situations that change the daily routine and provide more time for reflection. "The holidays allow us to think or look at what surrounds us, or to one's self, with other eyes. We offer a new perspective and allow us to rethink what is going well or not in our lives", according to professor Nunez. As a result, there are people who decide to change their lives and to put an end to a relationship.
sometimes, as pointed out by the teacher Montesano of the Field, "during the holidays comes a major conflict that is the drop that fills the glass or is the time in which an awareness of the situation and comes to the conclusion that there is no other option."
The frustrated expectations of the holidays and the intensity of the moment can also weigh on this decision: "There is a social pressure that encourages us to make good resolutions, life plans where there is a place for happiness and well-being. This, added to the confluence of ideas and emotions during the holidays, you can make us relativize and question our ties of partner and even make us feel "nostalgia" for a life that we never had," says Francesc Núñez.
Can you save the relationship after a summer of crisis?
"A couple who have a high level of conflict or disconnection sentimental or sexual, you can decide to separate —a very legitimate— or to decide that after the summer they will seek professional help", said Adrián Montesano of the Field.
If you opt for this last option, it is not until you start the therapy the teacher Montesano of the Field recommended to keep the forms and reflect on what you should do each one to improve the relationship or, as a minimum, be clear on what they want and what they don't want the relationship and the other person.
it Is important not to delay a lot the decision of going to a professional: "The studies indicate that if you have relational issues, and it takes a lot to seek help, you may already be too late."
Also have to set aside the prejudices: "Seeking professional help does not mean you will not be able to overcome it, because you'll end up doing it yourself, but you will receive orientation and guidance," explains the professor of the Studies of Psychology and Sciences of Education.
"The help of a professional is always quite fruitful because you have to get convergence of the visions of two people and help to bring order. Couple therapy allows you to begin to build or rebuild the bubble should be between the two," concludes Adrian Montesano of the Field.
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