From the Schmoll corner: Where is the federal commissioner for cargo bikes?

The Progress Coalition has 42 officers for this and that.

From the Schmoll corner: Where is the federal commissioner for cargo bikes?

The Progress Coalition has 42 officers for this and that. This begs the question: do we need a federal commissioner to coordinate the activities of federal commissioners? No! Our columnist has a better suggestion.

As is well known, the Progress Coalition is committed to progress. Every day she sets signs according to the motto: Neither ox nor donkey can stop progress in its course. Not even the war with its highly complicated ring exchanges. "Panzer, Panzer, you have to move, from one to the other," the Bundestag poet will soon announce to enthusiastic applause from the progressive coalition. The poet will then perhaps be the 44th commissioner of the federal government responsible for poetry. I'll tell you who should be the 43rd.

If the progress in Germany can be measured by the number of federal commissioners, the progress coalition is already great. According to the "List of Federal Government Commissioners, Federal Commissioners and Federal Government Coordinators according to Section 21 (3) of the Joint Rules of Procedure of the Federal Ministries (GGO)" of June 9, 2022, there are 42 posts of this type - more than ever before. However, the world is also more complicated than ever before. The need for officers and coordinators is quite high.

One of the jobs is still vacant, although I don't know if there is even a vacancy. This is the "coordinator for inter-sociological cooperation with Russia, Central Asia and the countries of the Eastern Partnership". I won't throw my hat in the ring because A: it would be too good for me, B: I want absolutely nothing to do with the Kremlin and C: I continue to be very interested in the post of Federal Commissioner for Poetry. However, I have a suggestion: it could be something for Gazprom-Gerd, as a sort of rehabilitation measure. He has excellent contacts in Russia.

The post of "Federal Government Commissioner for Anti-Racism" has finally been assigned. Ferda Ataman does and manages it. The Progress Coalition went through with her election adamantly, because she doesn't let grumpy and petty critics stop her, even if they come from families that themselves once immigrated to Germany. arrogance of power? What! This is how progress works. You don't give a damn about the concerns of people who themselves know what it's like to be discriminated against.

The "Federal Government Commissioner for the Acceptance of Sexual and Gender Diversity (Queer Commissioner)", the Parliamentary State Secretary in the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth, Sven Lehmann, not only has a nice title, but also a Twitter channel where he only strictly "private". In private, he was happy about Ms. Ataman's narrow victory: "Congratulations! The @ADS_Bund gets a strong boss and fighter against all forms of discrimination."

(Just a quick insert so there's no misunderstanding: The abbreviation ADS here stands for AntiDiscrimination Agency and not for Attention Deficit Syndrome, you know, the disease that leads to hyperactivity and uncontrolled behavior. In case you were thinking, ADS_Bund isn't the internal nickname the Progress Coalition.)

In any case, Mr. Lehmann, Ms. Ataman and Dr. Mehmet Daimaguler, the still quite new - also a wonderful title - "Federal Government Commissioner against Antiziganism and for the life of the Sinti and Roma in Germany" with the "Federal Government Commissioner for Migration, Refugees and Integration", Minister of State Reem Alabali- Radovan, unite and bring progress to the land. There's a lot to do right now.

Just ask the "Special Representative of the Federal Government for International Climate Policy", the former Greenpeace boss Jennifer Morgan. She will know. Ms. Morgan coordinates very closely with, among others, the parliamentary state secretary and "Special Representative of the Federal Government for the implementation of the international initiative for more transparency in the raw materials-extracting sector", Franziska Brantner, as well as the "Coordinator of the Federal Government for strategic foreign projects in the interest of the Federal Republic of Germany ", State Secretary Udo Philipp. Of course, with the involvement of the "Special Federal Government Commissioner for Ukraine Gas Transit", Georg Graf Waldersee, and the "Federal Commissioner for Energy (energy-efficient construction)", Olaf Böttcher.

Mr. Böttcher has been in office since 2008. As you might guess from the aristocratic title, Graf Waldersee is also a remnant of the reign of Queen Angela the Carefree, the founder of the German energy transition. The nobleman was first appointed in 2019 to "secure gas transit via Ukraine even after the current transit contract expires on December 31, 2024" in such a way that "the interests of all sides are met". Well, unfortunately it didn't work. But Graf Waldersee is also the chairman of UNICEF Germany and can now help Ukrainian children. If he doesn't want the job anymore, I suggest Pipeline-Manu, who could then work closely with Gazprom-Gerd again (see above).

I think the list of federal commissioners can be expanded. How about one for reducing bureaucracy? Better not, because that has nothing to do with progress. Or for the concerns of pensioners? We do not need. They are not discriminated against. So what? A Federal Commissioner for Progress? cargo bikes? potato growing? Anti-Polarization? Ms. Ataman could take over some of this.

One could think about a federal commissioner to coordinate the activities of federal commissioners. However, I urgently plead for the rapid creation - it would be number 43 - of the post of "Federal Government Commissioner for the Preparation of Summer Holidays and the Elimination of Chaos at Airports and Train Stations", who can also be sent to Afghanistan or other countries if necessary to fly out local or workers who then check the suitcases of vacationers in Germany for firearms and bombs.

Because the Progress Coalition cannot burden the "Federal Government Coordinator for Freight Transport and Logistics", Oliver Luksic, or the "Federal Government Commissioner for Rail Transport", Michael Theurer, with this task as well. The two parliamentary state secretaries at the Minister for Digital and Transport have enough to do and cannot send any emails to Lufthansa and Deutsche Bahn: "Attention! Summer is approaching. A higher number of travelers is to be expected. Please find staff early on. " And also: Before the Progress Coalition tackles structural chaos, it first eliminates structural racism.

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