The Progress Coalition has promised: "We will reduce superfluous bureaucracy." If you look at the public tender for "up to 107,399" simple padlocks, you can guess that this will be difficult - and that Germany has other problems besides "Layla".
"I'll build you a castle - like in a fairy tale," Heintje once sang in German living rooms and not at Ballermann. That was in the late '60s. The world was still in order and clearly divided into West and East, you didn't have to "differentiate", as it is now called. Either you stayed with the Americans or the Russians (Soviet people). Nobody disagreed on Twitter or annoyed with so-called nuances - not even Heintje from Holland. He sang about an ideal world in its purest form.
My grandmother and my mother really liked the music, which I found strange, but now I understand it. "I'll build you a castle" was part of the film music for part two of the comedy series "Die Lümmel von der Erste Bank", if I didn't get any fake news on the internet. I call out to the younger ones: Don't be misled by "lout", this isn't porn. The third ARD programs still show the seven episodes ("must see"), although the series is anything but diverse and queer and does not focus on wheelchair users. But that's what the "crime scene" is for.
Heintje does his best. He doesn't sing about a brothel, but about a "mama", which is no longer politically correct by today's standards, since we are all supposed to say "carrying parent" to a woman with a child so that the world finally gets better. Of course, you heard the so-called debate about the so-called ban on the song "Layla". In it, a puff mom named Layla is praised as "prettier, younger, hornier", which nobody would have noticed if some scientist had not noticed that the text is a "weird, subconscious answer to the MeToo debates of recent years". I say it again and again: the subconscious is a bastard!
A text like this would be politically correct: "I happen to know a sex worker whose name is Layla. I don't go to her because she is a victim from Eastern Europe who is exploited as a forced sex worker and discriminated against because of her accent. We can't allow that. " The suggestion did not come from my subconscious. Awareness is required here. And attitude.
According to "Zeit", the producer of "Layla", stage name Ikke Hipgold, had his "breakthrough as a Mallorca bard" in 2014 with the song "Big Tits, Potato Salad". Nobody was interested in that at the time, there was no time for that, since 83 million Germans demonstrated daily against the annexation of Crimea. The lyrics aren't just gaga, they're totally gaga. "We see a whale - Let's campaign, don't give a fuck." Is this really the land of Goethe, Schiller and Hipgold? Yes, it is. The producer wrote in the "Zeit": "A dictatorship often begins with censorship." I'm just saying: "A school often starts with grades." All terribly and terribly dangerous.
"Layla" is out of the question for the big tattoo when King Olaf the Unclear and his Minister of Self-Defense, Christine Lambrecht, pass the baton on to Friedrich Merz after 16 successful years for Germany and a wonderful tank ring exchange with the Russian-occupied Baltic States. "The Boxer" by Simon
"Build me a castle" would fit Lambrecht perfectly. The Federal Office for Equipment, Information Technology and Use of the Bundeswehr - the acronym is BAAINBw - has launched a tender for padlocks. You won't believe what's in it. 55 PDFs for downloading are embedded on the website under "Documents for this call for tenders". Everything is described in minute detail and sometimes garnished with funny cartoon drawings. If you want to be awarded the contract, you need a group of lawyers and other exotic people who can decipher German.
There are a few things to consider if a company wants to deliver the "supply item (VersArt) of the Bw": "Cost guide prices should be converted into fixed cost prices as far as possible in accordance with § 6 Para. 2 VO PR No. 30/53." And of course: "The VersArt (packaged goods) must be cleaned, dried and preserved, wrapped, padded and packed in accordance with the required material protection. , use packaging and packaging aids."
Very important: "With the exception of item no. 060 in Appendix A, the shackle must be locked on both sides and the strength of the locking bolts must be such that at least 80% of the shackle diameter acts on the shackle notches." However: "This does not apply to the depth of the notch." Perhaps even more important: "Each lock must be accompanied by two keys."
The call for tenders includes a "list of users", including fire brigades, the civil protection of the federal states and of course some areas of the Bundeswehr. I imagined that those who were to be made happy would be read aloud in a live broadcast on Saturday evening on ARD, like in a family show, such as "The price is hot". "Customs investigation office Stuttgart - you are there too!". A switch in the authority shows people hugging each other with happiness. The moderator, let's take Barbara Schöneberger, announces: "Oh dear, I'm already 15 minutes overtime, poor Carmen Miosga still has to wait. But I still have one: Otto von Bismarck Foundation! You're there too! "
It will be years before the contract is awarded, soldiers, customs officers and firefighters will use old locks or buy them themselves to lock their lockers, and the Otto von Bismarck Foundation will tremble because they cannot lock their lockers. Incidentally, according to the newspaper "Welt", the forecast requirement is "up to 107,399 locks". Calculating this exact number must have taken a year. So it's not surprising that the Bundeswehr is in the state we've been complaining about for years. Incidentally, 10,510 people worked in the federal office at the end of April. What are they all doing?
I often struggle with my job, but am now glad that I don't have a padlock factory and don't have to try to understand the paperwork to compete for the job. And I'm happy that the Progress Coalition exists. Because in their progress coalition agreement it says: "The administration should become more agile and digital." And: "We will reduce superfluous bureaucracy." Well then: Build me a castle in the air!
