Marriage is one thing. Of course, young people also dream of a romantic wedding with a big party – but staying with just one person forever? This thought is becoming increasingly difficult for many 16 to 25-year-olds, the so-called Generation Z. We have learned to stand up for our wishes, to realize ourselves, to sometimes say "no". And we're supposed to compromise with someone else for the rest of our lives? Can and should this work at all?
Only people who have managed to be happily married for a long time can give the answer. With an emphasis on happy - because almost every young person has grandparents, uncles or great-grandaunts who once entered into or had to enter into marriages of convenience. Be it because the parents decided so, for economic reasons or because of an unplanned pregnancy. Such couples have often put up with each other for a long time - but they were not always happy. Today we ask more of a relationship than that.
But real lovers have always found each other - and many were lucky enough to have been married for decades. The US portal "Fatherly" asked some seniors what they consider to be the most important prerequisites for a long and happy relationship. And young Generation Z couples can certainly learn something from this.
And that definitely before the yes word, and also about uncomfortable topics or those that still seem very far away to you. How do you want to regulate your finances, even if you earn different amounts? Do you want children? If so, who takes how much parental leave? How do you imagine your future living situation – in the city center or in a house in the country? How important is religion to you? How important are common hobbies to you? What annoys you (now) about each other, and can it be fixed (now)? "You have to sort out a lot of tricky things before you get married," says a middle-aged man named Gene, who has been with his wife for 46 years. "Only the sex thing sorts itself out."
"TMI" means: Too much information. Too much information. Be open and honest with each other, of course, but intimacy doesn't have to go so far as being in the bathroom together when one of you has to grow up, farting, belching, or picking your nose shamelessly in front of the other, that you're plucks nose hairs while the other looks on. It just doesn't have to be. Of course you can do that, no question, but keeping certain things to yourself also shows respect for your partner. In the beginning, you usually show each other the best version of yourself. If you're not careful, you'll eventually end up with the sloppiest version. Somewhere in the middle lies the perfect togetherness. "There's nothing romantic about watching your husband pull his hair out of his ears," says American Connie, who has been married for 44 years.
Couples who always live harmoniously together aren't just kind of creepy - they probably won't be able to live together happily ever after. At some point and somehow, pent-up, swallowed emotions find their way. Therefore: argue! Yell at each other, stay silent for hours, scold or curse. (Fisticuffs are of course an absolute taboo!) Letting off steam verbally – that's totally okay. And you don't have to be done with it by the end of the day, either. Half-hearted acceptance just to avoid going to bed angry doesn't help anyone, it just wakes you up grumpy. But despite all the emotion, don't forget that you're playing on the same team. No matter what is annoying at the moment, in the grand scheme of things you belong together. And the couple Jenny and Manny, who have been married for 65 years, have their very own tip: "When you go to bed at night, it doesn't matter how angry or sad you are. You don't have to talk to each other. But always touch each other under the covers with the Toes. As a little reminder that you love each other no matter what."
There are moments when the best way to support each other is to just leave each other alone. For example, some people can only tidy up effectively if they can muddle around on their own and no one is in their way. Others hate being constantly offered help from the other when it comes to DIY - even though both know that only one of them has any talent for drilling, hammering or painting. So: Find out what you can do well together - and where you better give the other a free hand, because otherwise you will cause unnecessary stress. The couple Robert and Bernadine, who have been married for 61 years, sum it up in one sentence: "Never think of wallpapering a wall together."
Everyone knows the tip not to go shopping hungry. Then you always pack too much into the car and usually don't buy what would be sensible. It's very similar with discussions about important or serious things: If it's not absolutely urgent, then pay attention to the right time. You should have time and peace, so not, for example, an appointment with friends in the evening, or the next day early shift. There shouldn't be something on TV that the other person has been looking forward to for weeks and now misses. You can think of better examples of your own, but I'm sure you understand: don't start a discussion on a gut feeling, but consider when and where it would be most productive for both of you. Oh, and you shouldn't have serious conversations when you're hungry. "We never discuss important issues when we're tired or hungry," says Steven, who has been married for 20 years. "And we eat marshmallows because it's good for communication."
Quelle: "Fatherly"
